Navigating the House Decision After Divorce: Finding Clarity in Emotion and Numbers

Making the Right Choice for YOU When It Comes to the Family Home

Divorce isn’t easy, and when you throw a family home into the mix, those emotions can skyrocket. In a recent episode of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club, I had a heartfelt and eye-opening conversation with Tami Wollensak, a divorce mortgage specialist and certified divorce lending professional. We dove deep into the emotional and business sides of deciding whether to keep or sell the home following a divorce.

I want to break down some of the most powerful takeaways from our conversation and empower you with practical tools and honest reflection, so you can make the best choice for your next chapter.

Understanding the Role of a Divorce Mortgage Specialist

First things first, what exactly is a divorce mortgage specialist? Tami explained her unique role as the bridge between family law and mortgage lending. Most people assume their divorce attorney will handle the financial aspects of the home, but the reality is, attorneys aren’t trained in mortgage guidelines. This can lead to settlement agreements that aren’t actually doable or in your best interest.

• A divorce mortgage specialist:
• Ensures legal agreements match what’s possible with lenders
• Sets realistic expectations about timelines and requirements to keep the house
• Helps clients avoid heartbreaking “I won the house!” moments that become financial disasters
• Supports writing settlement language that empowers you with choices, not stress

Talking to someone with Tami’s credentials can make all the difference. This specialty ensures there are no unwelcome surprises after the ink dries on your divorce papers.

The Emotional Unpacking: Is This House Still Right for You?

Let’s be real—a house isn’t just bricks and mortar after a marriage. It’s hopes, memories, and sometimes, even painful reminders.

• Are you keeping the house because it’s truly where you want to be?
• Is it the safe space you need, or is it just the familiar in a sea of change?
• Can you physically, emotionally, and financially handle its upkeep solo?

When I faced this decision myself, I initially felt pressure to keep my home simply because it was familiar, and let's be honest, because of the ever-persistent "mom guilt." But when I truthfully weighed the maintenance, the yardwork, the empty rooms, and the emotional energy required—especially as a single mom managing everything—my truth became clear. I needed to let go.

Reflection Tips:

• Look at your current and future needs, not just what the house meant in the past.
• Break down your “dream neighborhood” list—do you really love your neighbors, local amenities, and the routines the house supports, or has your heart moved on?
• Ask yourself: Is this the forever home, or just the next right space for now?

Financial Decisions vs. “Mommy Decisions”

Tami hit the nail on the head—this is a financial decision, NOT a mommy decision.

• Know your numbers: Can you truly afford the house once it's just your income?
• Factor in not just the mortgage, but utilities, repairs, and maintenance (hello, water heater emergencies!).
• Do not give up critical assets like retirement funds just to “win” the home. Equity doesn’t pay bills or provide cash for emergencies.

If you split assets unevenly just to keep the house, you might win the roof, but lose your safety net. Your children benefit more from a healthy parent with financial stability, not just a familiar address.

Give Yourself Permission to Downsize or Pivot

There’s no shame in renting, downsizing, or taking a break to decide what you really want. It’s a season, not a forever!

I’ll be honest, I had late-night doubts and tearful moments even after making the choice to leave. But every time, I centered myself by reminding my son and myself that it’s about the energy we bring to our space, not just the size or address. Kids are adaptable; when you lead with confidence and positivity, they’ll often surprise you.

Practical Tools and Resources

Need help sorting out what staying or leaving would look like for you?
Tami offers a FREE, super-helpful ebook loaded with checklists, practical questions, and insights about mortgage assumptions, using support income, and all the nitty-gritty you might not have thought of yet. (Find the link in our show notes or on our site!)

Final Thoughts: This Is Your Fresh Start

Divorce is a huge restart—and you get to consciously build this next chapter.
Whether you end up with keys to a new place, or you transform your old one to fit your new life, the important part is that the decision honors your needs, dreams, and emotional well-being. Trust yourself. Give yourself grace. The house is just one piece of your new beginning.

Let’s Keep the Conversation Going!
If you’re stuck or need a safe community to talk it through, join us at The Crazy Ex-Wives Club. You’re never alone in this—sometimes, your happily-ever-after starts with a blank page.

Stay empowered,
Erica
Host of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club

The Club: A Divorce Community to Help you Get Clear, Get Grounded and Move Forward. 

Psst… Have you heard? There is a new online space for you to get the support and guidance you need on your divorce journey. The Club is your space to heal, grow and get clear on what you want - whether you are unhappily married or taking those first steps through divorce. The Club offers on-demand programs, monthly live connection calls and a quarterly curated healing kit. Everything The Club offers helps you get clear and get confident on what you want in your next chapter. 

Grab your spot NOW: https://www.thecrazyexwivesclub.com/theclub

Learn More About This Week’s Guest: Tami Wollensak

When divorce and real estate collide, Tami Wollensak brings clarity. As a nationally licensed mortgage loan originator and Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP®), Tami helps divorcing individuals make smart, stable home and mortgage decisions. With 30+ years of industry experience, she bridges the gap between family law and lending—ensuring settlement agreements align with real-world mortgage guidelines.

She partners with attorneys, mediators, and financial pros to protect her clients’ futures—whether keeping the home or starting fresh. A trusted voice in the field, Tami speaks across media, podcasts, and events, empowering homeowners with options, not overwhelm. Serving all 50 states.

Connect with Tami

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tami_wollensak/ 
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/empowereduncoupling 
• YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/@empowereduncoupling 
• Website: www.takeorleavethehouse.com