Deciding on Divorce, Navigating Coercive Control, and Regaining Your Power

An Empowering Guide Based on The Crazy Ex-Wives Club Podcast with Lois Liberman

Divorce. Just the word alone can send shivers down your spine or make your heart race with anxiety. If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve asked yourself that classic, haunting question: “Should I stay or should I go?” Trust me, you are not alone. As the host of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club podcast, breaking down these raw, tough conversations is my mission—and I want to empower you to make the best decision for YOU.

Recently, I sat down with the incredible Lois Liberman, a seasoned New York matrimonial attorney with 30+ years of experience guiding women through every twist and turn of divorce. We dove deep into the practical, emotional, and (yes!) empowering steps you can take—whether you’re contemplating leaving, worried about controlling exes, or just looking for clarity in chaos.

Here’s what you need to know.

Taking Stock: Is Divorce Really the Next Step?

When contemplating divorce, it can be tempting to only see the negatives in your relationship or to fantasize that the grass will be greener on the other side. And yes, sometimes the need to leave is clear as day—especially if there’s physical or emotional harm, or your children’s wellbeing is at risk. Lois reminded us, “Those are the black and white cases. But everything else is so much more nuanced.”

Key Takeaways:

• Divorce is NOT a quick fix for frustration. It’s a massive life rewrite: finances, routines, support systems—everything.
• Take time to reflect: Are you truly misaligned, or just burnt out? Is your unhappiness fixable with honest effort and ownership, or are you truly at the end?
• Knowledge is power. Before making moves, get intimately familiar with your finances, expenses, and assets—even if it means asking tough questions.

Self-Reflection Prompt: What are you trying to escape, and what do you hope to embrace in your next chapter?

Facing the Fear: Coercive Control & Regaining Power

The biggest block for many women isn’t just the logistics of divorce—it’s the deep fear of what will happen if your soon-to-be ex tries to make it as difficult as possible. Controlling partners may try to withhold money, drag you through court, or isolate you from your support network.

What Lois Shared:

• Your fears may be bigger than the reality. The support of a tough, communicative attorney or a fair judge can shift the power.
• Support networks are vital. Family, friends, even therapists—these people are your lifeline, both for emotional strength and sometimes financial help.
• Don’t go it alone. Build a team around you, including a lawyer who truly aligns with your values and can adapt to shifting dynamics. (And don’t be afraid to change lawyers if your situation evolves!)

How to Set Yourself Up for Success:

• Seek out family, friends, or support groups (like The Crazy Ex-Wives Club private group!)
• Work with professionals: lawyers, therapists, financial advisors
• Don’t lean on your lawyer for therapy—they’re priceless, but so is your budget!
• Keep boundaries clear, especially with controlling ex-partners, and let your legal team or the court enforce them when needed.

Navigating the Emotional Storm: Kids, Friends, and Moving Forward

It’s no secret that divorce is turbulent—emotionally and relationally. But how you handle those emotions (and how you shield your kids from them) makes all the difference.

Lois’ Golden Rules:

• Don’t vent to your kids. They’re half you, half your ex, and any negativity you fling at your ex wounds your kids, too.
• Divorce is a business transaction. Decisions around property or money should (eventually) be made with your head, not your heart.
• Kids often handle divorce better young than as teens or adults. Avoid waiting until “the right time”—it might never come.

Your Power Move: Rewriting Your Story

Remember, this is a season, not your whole life. Yes, some friendships may fade. Yes, routines will shift. But you have the chance to consciously rebuild—a life made for you, by you.

My Encouragement for You:

• Prioritize your healing: grace, movement, self-care.
• Don’t make decisions from a place of fear or anger—it’s your future you’re crafting.
• Seek clarity, ask for help, and when you’re ready, step bravely into your next chapter.

Ready for more support? Join our private community (check the show notes!) or tune into the podcast for practical tips, heartfelt stories, and the wisdom you need to thrive.

You are not alone. You are not powerless. This can be your beginning. And I’m cheering you on, every single step of the way.

Struggling to know if you should stay or go? Join The Other F Word: How Fear Keeps You Stuck

Decision fatigue is a real thing and it is made 1000x worse when fear has its hold on your heart. If you find yourself in the place of knowing you need to make a change but unable to actually commit to it, join me for this FREE online webinar about what is holding you hostage from making a decision about your relationship—and more importantly, how to break free.

Grab your seat today and find your way forward. 

https://www.thecrazyexwivesclub.com/fear

The Club: A Divorce Community to Help you Get Clear, Get Grounded and Move Forward. 

Psst… Have you heard? There is a new online space for you to get the support and guidance you need on your divorce journey. The Club is your space to heal, grow and get clear on what you want - whether you are unhappily married or taking those first steps through divorce. The Club offers on-demand programs, monthly live connection calls and a quarterly curated healing kit. Everything The Club offers helps you get clear and get confident on what you want in your next chapter. 

Put your name on the VIP list to be the first invited to join. Space is limited, so grab your invite early. https://www.thecrazyexwivesclub.com/theclubwaitlist

Learn More About This Week’s Guest: Lois Liberman

Lois Liberman is a partner at the law firm Blank Rome and Co-Chair of the firm’s New York City office. She has dedicated her 30 plus year career to advising high-net-worth and high-profile individuals in every facet of matrimonial and family law.

Lois is also the founder of the “LOOK AHEAD with Lois Liberman” Salon Series, which aims to build a community of support, resources, and education to help individuals move forward after divorce.

Connect with Lois

• Website: https://www.blankrome.com/people/lois-j-liberman
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/loisliberman/

Looking for More Support? Let’s Connect

• Instagram: https://instagram.com/crazyexwivesclub 
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thecrazyexwivesclub
• Website: https://crazyexwivesclub.com 
• Contact: [email protected]
• Free 15 Minute Consult: https://calendly.com/ericabennett/15min