Navigating a Marriage Crisis with Dr. Becky Whetstone

If you’ve ever felt like your marriage is unraveling and you don’t know how to stop it, I want you to know you’re not alone. I’ve been there—the confusion, the guilt, the panic—and I know how isolating it feels.

That’s why I was so grateful for my conversation this week with Dr. Becky Whetstone on The Crazy Ex-Wives Club Podcast. She not only validated what so many of us go through in a marriage crisis, but also gave us a roadmap for making sense of it.

Not sure where you are in your own journey? Take The Finding Your Way Forward Quiz  to find out which stage of crisis you might be in.

The Five Stages of a Dying Marriage

Dr. Becky explained that marriages in crisis move through five predictable stages:

• Disillusion – when the cracks first start to show.

• Erosion – where trust, connection, and communication start to break down.

• Detachment – when one or both partners emotionally withdraw.

• The Straw That Broke the Camel’s Back – the moment something small tips everything over the edge.

• Death of the Marriage – when one partner has mentally or physically checked out.

Hearing this was like a lightbulb moment for me. You don’t realize you’re in a process when you’re living it—but once you see the map, you can name it. And when you can name it, you can finally decide how you want to move forward.

Deciders vs. Leaners

One of the most painful dynamics Dr. Becky and I talked about is what happens when there’s a decider (the partner who’s ready to leave) and a leaning-in partner (the one desperately trying to save the marriage).

I was that leaning-in partner. I chased. I overcompensated. I exhausted myself trying to prove my worth. But the harder I tried, the more distant my partner became. Looking back, I can see how my panic drove him further away.

Dr. Becky reminded me—and all of us—that true strength comes from turning inward. Instead of fighting to hold onto someone else, the work is about grounding yourself, setting boundaries, and remembering your own worth.

Regulating Your Nervous System

Dr. Becky said something that will stay with me forever:

“It will be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done, but calming your nervous system is absolutely necessary.”

When you’re in the middle of a marriage crisis, your body is in overdrive. Your nervous system is screaming at you to fix it, chase, or fight. But you can’t make healthy choices from a state of panic.

Here are a few things that helped me (and that I still lean on):

• Breathwork and journaling to get out of my head and into my body.

• Therapy and coaching to process the emotions without being consumed by them.

• A safe space like The Club , where you can share your story without shame and be supported by women who truly understood.

Separation with Purpose

One of Dr. Becky’s most powerful contributions is her concept of Managed Separation—an intentional, structured way for couples to step back without falling into chaos or endless limbo.

This isn’t about punishment or avoidance. It’s about:

• Setting clear timelines.

• Creating healthy agreements.

• Using the time apart for self-discovery and healing.

When done with purpose, separation doesn’t have to be the end of the road. It can actually be the beginning of growth—for you as an individual, and possibly for the relationship too.

About Dr. Becky Whetstone

Dr. Becky Whetstone is a Marriage and Family Therapist and Life Coach from Arkansas, specializing in marriage crisis counseling. She developed Managed Separation (MS) after experiencing her own marriage crisis and realizing that traditional therapy often didn’t provide answers. A former reporter for the San Antonio Express-News, she’s also the author of I (Think) I Want Out: What To Do When One of You Wants To End Your Marriage (Health Communications Inc).

Connect with Dr. Whetstone:
Website  | Instagram  | Facebook 

📖 Grab her book: I (Think) I Want Out 

Final Thought

If you’re standing in the middle of a marriage crisis, I want you to know this: you are not broken, and you are not alone. There’s no single “right” path, but there is always a way forward—one step, one breath, one choice at a time.

And if you’re ready for support, come join me inside The Club . It’s where women like us rebuild, rediscover, and remind each other of the power we’ve had all along.

With love and grace,
Erica Bennett
Host of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club