From We to Me: Lessons Learned and Joy Found After Divorce

How Navigating Divorce (And Doing the Inner Work) Can Lead to a More Empowered, Joyful You

If you’ve listened to recent episodes of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club, you know just how passionate I am about helping women rebuild, transform, and thrive after the turmoil of divorce. But this week was extra special—because I invited a male guest, Justin Milrad, to share his experience and lessons learned from walking the divorce path from the “other side.” Not only is Justin Milrad a certified divorce coach and author of You 2.0: Transform Your Life After Divorce, he brings a wealth of empathy, wisdom, and hard-earned perspective to the conversation.

Today, I’m reflecting on the incredible insights from our episode together, expanding on themes that matter so much—self-discovery, the importance of support, consciously choosing your healing path, and how joy is, yes, always a choice.

The Fork in the Road: Divorce Isn’t The End—It’s the Start of Your Second Act

Like Justin Milrad, none of us get married planning on someday joining the ranks of “divorced.” But life happens, marriages change, and sometimes you find yourself on the wrong side of a judge’s bench, wondering what happens next.

What I love about Justin Milrad’s story (and so many of your stories) is this: Divorce was a turning point, not a dead end. Sure, it’s messy and heart-wrenching—Justin Milrad’s experience involved a three-year legal battle, a seven-figure price tag, and plenty of heartbreak. But eventually, he found his way to acceptance, growth, and a joyful, empowered new life.

Key Takeaways:

• Divorce isn’t just the end of your marriage—it’s the beginning of “you 2.0.”

• Healing starts when you accept the path you’re on and decide to look forward, not backward.

Doing the Inner Work: From Blame to Self-Awareness

One of the most transformative moments for me in my own divorce—and echoed by Justin Milrad—was realizing that healing is an inside job. You can’t control what your ex did, didn’t do, or says now. What you can control is how you show up for yourself, your kids, and your future.

We talked about the power of doing the inner work, from owning your patterns (hello, sharp tongue and control issues!) to unpeeling the layers of old trauma. Justin Milrad and his ex-wife attended a retreat that uncovered hidden wounds—not only hers, but his own. This kind of growth isn’t easy, but it’s essential.

Ask Yourself:

• What patterns do I want to shift?

• Where am I still holding onto anger, blame, or victimhood?

• Who do I want to become, now that the “we” chapter is over?

Choosing Your Support System: Why Coaches Matter

One lesson both Justin Milrad and I wish we’d learned sooner? Get help. Friends and family mean well, but sometimes their advice can keep you stuck in anger or revenge mode. A divorce coach can be your quarterback—helping you set goals, answer legal and emotional questions, and build a plan for moving forward.

Whether it’s a coach, a therapist, or our club community, surrounding yourself with the right support is crucial. Your healing journey is personal, but you don’t have to walk it alone.

Support Sources:

• Divorce coaches and therapists

• Community circles (hello, Crazy Ex-Wives Club!)

• Mindful self-care—walks, journaling, meditation

Parenting After Divorce: Letting Go of Control and Judgement

Now, let’s talk about co-parenting (because wow, the stories we all have). It’s tempting to judge, criticize, or micromanage what happens in your ex’s house. But as Justin Milrad pointed out, “men are competent—just wired differently!” Our job isn’t to control, but to trust, communicate, and, above all, put the kids first.

Tips for Healthy Co-Parenting:

• Forward information, invite openly, and let go of what isn’t yours to manage.

• Choose friendliness over friendship—it’s enough for your kids to feel safe and loved.

• Measure progress in micro-movements: Maybe just texting without anxiety is a huge win!

Celebrating the Small Wins: Focus on the “Gain,” Not the “Gap”

We’re all wired to compare today’s reality to what we wish it could be. Stop. Instead, measure how far you’ve come. Maybe you’re communicating better, maybe you’re finding moments of peace. Justin Milrad reminded us, “It’s not divorce that destroys kids—it’s how parents handle divorce.”

Try This:

• Celebrate progress, no matter how small.

• Give yourself grace for being a work in progress.

• Seek joy—intentionally, daily, especially when it feels hard.

Parting Wisdom: Joy is a Choice

Here’s the truth: Joy is not something you wait for. It’s a choice, every single day. In big moments (like being at a baseball game next to your ex) or small ones (finding a meme on your phone that makes you smile), you move from healing to thriving by consciously choosing joy, abundance, and grace.

You’re stronger, wiser, and more capable than you think.

Ready to move from “we” to “me”? The club is here for you. Show up, do the work, and—above all—choose joy.

With love, EricaHost, The Crazy Ex-Wives Club

P.S. Want support on your journey? Check out our monthly community calls, join the Club, or tune in weekly for more advice, stories, and encouragement. You’ve got this!