Learning to Move Through Grief: How to Reclaim Yourself After Divorce

Facing grief head-on is the powerful, messy work that will ultimately transform your post-divorce life for the better.

Welcome Back to the Club—Let’s Get Real About Grief

Hey, Crazy Ex Wives Club! I’m Erica—and if you’re new here, welcome to our brave little corner of the internet. If you call this place home already, you know we’re not about gossip and bitterness. We’re about tools, healing, and honest conversations. This week on the podcast, I welcomed grief expert, educator, and all-around empowering woman Suzanne Jabbor to dig deep into what grief really is, why it gets us stuck, and how we can finally begin to move through it.

I want to expand on some of the most powerful takeaways from our talk, because let’s be honest—none of us grew up knowing how to do grief well. Let’s change that, together.

The Myth of “Done and Dusted”: Why Grief Lingers

So many of us buy into this idea that grief is something we check off the list—funeral, tears, casseroles, and then right back to life as usual. But as Suzanne Jabbor and I discussed, the truth is exactly the opposite. The hardest work of grief begins when everyone else has gone home. It sneaks up while you’re folding laundry, sitting in a suddenly too-quiet house, or eating straight out of the pan ("Why dirty a plate?").

Our culture has it backwards. When it comes to those hidden losses—the self, future dreams, friendships, even routines—most of us are left to grieve alone, feeling broken or “wrong” for not bouncing back. Sound familiar? Trust me, if you’re washing dishes on a Saturday night, overwhelmed and alone, you are so not alone.

Why Does Divorce Grief Feel So Relentless?

Divorce is more than just the end of a marriage. It’s:

• The loss of the life you thought you’d have

• The sudden empty Friday nights

• Relationships with in-laws and friends who may "choose sides"

• An entire identity shift

And yes, it’s saying goodbye to who you were, not just who you loved.

We touched on this fundamental truth:
Change brings loss, loss brings grief—whether you chose the divorce or not. Even if you know in your heart it’s the right call, that sense of uncertainty, guilt, or just plain fear can hit you like a tidal wave.

Curiosity: Your Secret Weapon for Healing

If you take away one thing, let it be this:
Stay curious.
Curiosity keeps you out of fear, and fear is what turns normal grief into never-ending suffering.

Whenever you’re gutted by anger, hopelessness, fatigue, or maybe even a flash of relief, get curious. Ask:

• “What am I REALLY feeling right now?”

• “Where is this sensation in my body?”

• “What does this emotion want me to know?”

Curiosity is the antidote to judgment and shame. If you can pair it with compassion, you are already halfway up the ladder out of the dark.

Climbing the Emotional Ladder: One Rung at a Time

I swear by the “emotional ladder” approach, which means you don’t have to leap from despair to joy in a single bound. It’s about taking that next little step—moving from hopelessness to frustration, from anger to acceptance, and maybe one day, to contentment or even peace.

Here’s what I suggest:

• Name what you feel. Use a “feelings wheel” or emotional ladder graphic—get specific.

• Aim for the next rung, not the top. If you’re at rock bottom, just try to reach for irritation or blame instead of endless self-loathing.

• Give yourself permission to be exactly where you are. No guilt, no “shoulds”—just curiosity and compassion.

Transforming Grief Into Growth

The big secret?
You will be transformed by this grief—whether by accident or with intention. You get to decide if you stumble through it, or if you use it as a catalyst for real change. Our club, our community, and experts like Suzanne Jabbor are here to help you choose transformation—step by tiny step.

Redefining Grief as Love With Nowhere to Go

One of the most freeing things I’ve learned is this:
Grief is really just love, with nowhere to go.
So ask yourself, where can I channel that love? Towards yourself, your kids, a new goal, a new adventure?

Your Challenge This Week

Find a pocket of quiet. Feel around for that thing you miss the most. Let yourself name it, feel it—and then ask: “Where might I send this love instead?”

If you want more support, join the club or check out one of Suzanne Jabbor—use code CEWC for a special rate!

Remember, grief is a skill. You are learning, you are human, and you are so, so much more resilient than you know. Let’s keep climbing together.

With massive love and hope,
Erica