Navigating the Waters of Dating After Divorce: A Guide to Finding Yourself (and Your Next Partner)

Dating after divorce can feel like stepping into a brand-new world with an old map. You might be excited. You might be terrified. You might be both before you’ve even finished your coffee.

In this episode of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club podcast, I sat down with relationship coach Anna Howerton for an honest conversation about what it really takes to date after divorce—without spiraling, settling, or repeating the same patterns that got you hurt in the first place.

This isn’t just about finding someone new. It’s about finding you again first.

The Post-Divorce Dating Split: “I’m Ready” vs. “Never Again”

After divorce, people tend to fall into one of two camps:

• Jump right back in (sometimes to prove they still “have it”)

• Swear off dating forever (because the thought of trusting again feels impossible)

Anna points out that both reactions usually have one thing in common: we’re responding to the pain—without pausing to process it.

Before you download the apps or delete them in a rage, she encourages one powerful question:

What does this mean for me now… and who am I going forward?

Because if you don’t take time to figure out who you are after the marriage, you can end up dating from survival mode instead of self-awareness.

Divorce Can Be a Gift (Even If You Don’t Want It)

No one signs up for divorce because it sounds like a fun growth opportunity. And still—this is where the growth can happen.

Anna shared something that stuck with me:

• If you abandoned yourself or lost yourself, the first gift is coming home to you.

• The second gift is that you get to choose again—as the person you are now.

A lot of people do choose again. Pew Research Center reports that about two-thirds of adults who have divorced have gone on to remarry.  

But “choosing again” doesn’t automatically mean choosing better.

That’s where intention comes in.

Learning From Past Mistakes Without Shaming Your Past Self

I shared on the episode that when I was younger, I picked partners because it was exciting. It felt good. It felt like love.

And I also wasn’t equipped back then with the clarity I have now. (If that line hits you… same.)

Anna’s reminder here is compassionate and real: we all make decisions with imperfect information. But we can still decide to be more intentional going forward.

Instead of asking, “What is wrong with me?” try:

• What did I believe love was supposed to feel like?

• What did I tolerate that I won’t tolerate now?

• What patterns do I keep repeating when I’m scared, lonely, or seeking validation?

This isn’t about blaming yourself. It’s about learning yourself.

Self-Discovery First: The Confidence Reset You Actually Need

Before you date, it helps to rebuild your relationship with you.

Anna described what happens when we rely on someone else to regulate our peace: we become an “energetic mess.” And honestly… yes. Because if your happiness depends on someone else’s behavior, you’re going to feel unstable fast.

If you’re in that place right now, start here:

• Find joy that doesn’t require a text back

• Create routines that support your emotional safety

• Make your life feel good before you invite someone into it

Confidence isn’t pretending you don’t care. Confidence is knowing you’ll be okay even when things don’t work out.

Boundaries That Keep Dating From Taking Over Your Life

One of the most practical things I shared was how I set limits while dating:

I only allowed myself five swipes a day.

Not because I’m strict. Because I know me. I know how easy it is to get consumed by the search, the stories, the “what if,” the dopamine hits, and the disappointment.

Boundaries aren’t punishment—they’re protection.

A few healthy dating boundaries that can help:

• Don’t date when you’re emotionally flooded or spiraling

• Take breaks from apps (planned breaks, not rage-quitting)

• Keep your friendships, routines, and goals intact

• Set a time limit for messaging so it doesn’t become your whole night

You’re not trying to “win” dating. You’re trying to stay well while you date.

You Don’t Need to Be Perfect—But You Do Need to Be Whole

This is a big one.

Anna acknowledged something important: healing can happen in relationships. But the goal is to enter a partnership as a whole person—not as someone hoping another person will finally make everything feel okay.

Because the healthiest relationships aren’t “you complete me.”

They’re: I’m whole, you’re whole, and we choose to build something together.

That’s the foundation that keeps love from turning into emotional dependency.

Practical Takeaways

If you’re dating after divorce, keep these in your back pocket:

• Reflect before you re-enter the dating world

• Name the patterns you don’t want to repeat

• Build a life you enjoy without a partner in it

• Set boundaries that protect your peace

• Date as a whole person, not a person trying to be rescued

Want Support While You Figure This Out?

If you’re navigating dating after divorce and want a place where people get it, this is exactly why The Crazy Ex-Wives Club exists.

Support, progress and a coming home to yourself in a whole new level. 

https://www.thecrazyexwivesclub.com/theclub

Final Thought

Dating after divorce isn’t a race—and it’s not a test you can fail.

It’s a practice of coming back to yourself, listening to what you need, and letting your next choices come from clarity instead of fear.

With love and grace,
Erica Bennett
Host of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club