How to Co-Parent When They Just Won’t Work With You
May 21, 2025
When Your Ex Plays Hardball: How to Co-Parent When They Just Won’t Work With You
Tough Ex? Tougher You. Practical Advice and Mindset Shifts from the Latest Crazy Ex-Wives Club Podcast
If you’ve ever felt like you’re singlehandedly holding the crumbling co-parenting wall together while your ex seems more interested in picking fights or ignoring you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. On the latest episode of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club, I (Erica, your host!) was joined once again by high-conflict divorce coach Victoria McCooey, and we dove deep into what to do when your ex simply refuses to play nice.
It was a conversation packed with real talk, hard truths, and—believe it or not—a whole lot of hope. If you missed the episode, or just need these reminders in writing, here’s my guide on how to regain your sanity and power, even when your ex is determined to push every button you have.
Get Real About Your Ex—And Let Go of the Fantasy
If you’re holding out for the Hollywood version of divorce, where friendly exes do brunch and tag-team Little League games, it’s time to ask yourself: Am I expecting a new result from the same old person?
As Victoria reminded us, “If it didn’t happen in marriage, it’s very unlikely it will happen in divorce.”
That means, if your ex didn’t have empathy, a sense of fairness, or a willingness to work with you during the marriage, expecting it now is just self-inflicted heartbreak.
Takeaway:
- Set realistic expectations for the co-parenting relationship you actually have, not the dreamy one you wish existed.
- Release the need for their approval or for everyone to agree with your version of the story.
Don’t Take the Bait: Stop the Dance of Dysfunction
Your ex knows how to get under your skin. The poking, the provocative texts, the accusations—these are all attempts to drag you back into the drama.
Victoria’s golden advice?
Don’t take the bait.
It’s so easy to get caught up trying to prove you’re right (and they’re wrong). But spiraling into endless text arguments never ends well—and never convinces them, either.
Try this instead:
- When you get a triggering message, pause. Don’t respond right away (24-hour rule!).
- Use one-line, neutral responses like “Noted” or “Understood.”
- If the conversation keeps devolving, simply sign off: “I’m spending time with the kids now; we can revisit this later.”
Create Structure: Be Clear, Consistent, and Boundaried
One of my favorite hacks from this episode is setting one time each day to deal with co-parenting communication. No more letting your ex’s agenda hijack your whole day (or your mood).
How it works:
- Pick a time in your day (maybe 4:00pm) when you’re calm and distraction-free.
- Check and respond to co-parenting messages only at that time.
- Make it a daily practice so nothing lingers or piles up.
This gives you back control, makes you less reactive, and keeps endless anxiety at bay.
Let Go of the Need to Be Chosen (by Everyone)
It stings when your kids seem more excited to see their other parent, or when family members criticize your choices to prioritize self-care. But as Victoria and I discussed, your worth and success as a parent is not measured by how often you’re picked or praised.
Remember:
- Sometimes your kids will be mad at you for tough decisions. That’s okay.
- Their relationship with your ex is theirs to navigate—you don’t have to control or fix it.
Self-Care Isn’t Selfish, It’s Survival
Those weekends when the kids are with your ex can feel lonely at first. But they are an opportunity to refill your cup. Take guilt-free time for yourself, rest, and remember that a happier, more balanced you is the best gift you can give your children.
You’ll Get Through This—One Day, One Boundaried Text at a Time
Divorce and high-conflict co-parenting are not for the faint of heart. Maybe your ex will never change, but you absolutely can reclaim your power.
Commit this to memory:
- Accept that they may never be the co-parent you want.
- Don’t take the bait—protect your energy.
- Set boundaries and stick to them.
- Make your own well-being a priority.
If no one has told you lately, you’re doing better than you think. You are not stuck. The life you want—even with a difficult ex in the picture—is absolutely within reach.
For more resources, support, and practical advice, make sure to check out the full episode, and join The Club’s private community (link in the show notes!). Until next time, don’t take the bait and keep reclaiming your power, one boundary at a time.
The Club: A Divorce Community to Help you Get Clear, Get Grounded and Move Forward.
Psst… Have you heard? There is a new online space for you to get the support and guidance you need on your divorce journey. The Club is your space to heal, grow and get clear on what you want - whether you are unhappily married or taking those first steps through divorce. The Club offers on-demand programs, monthly live connection calls and a quarterly curated healing kit. Everything The Club offers helps you get clear and get confident on what you want in your next chapter.
JOIN NOW: https://www.thecrazyexwivesclub.com/theclub
Learn More About This Week’s Guest: Victoria McCooey
Victoria McCooey is a High Conflict Divorce Coach, a Divorce Mediator, and the creator of the Reclaim Your Power System™. I help my clients overcome the pain, fear and overwhelm caused by an abusive spouse by helping them escape their victim mentality and opening their minds to the amazing possibilities available.
Connect with Victoria
- Website: https://www.victoriamccooey.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/victoria_mccooey
- YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/VictoriaMcCooey
Looking for More Support? Let’s Connect
- Instagram: https://instagram.com/crazyexwivesclub
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thecrazyexwivesclub
- Website: https://crazyexwivesclub.com
- Contact: [email protected]
- Free 15 Minute Consult: https://calendly.com/ericabennett/15min
