When Your Child Says "I Don’t Want to Go to Dad’s"

When Two Houses Become Home: Helping Kids (and Yourself) Through Divorce

Navigating the Big Emotions of Parenting After Divorce—With Compassion, Clarity, and Courage

Divorce isn’t just a separation of lives—it’s the beginning of a new, sometimes wobbly journey for both parents and kids. As I shared in a recent episode of The Crazy Ex Wives Club podcast, one of the biggest worries that keeps so many of us up at night is, “How is this going to affect my kids?” The truth is, the transition to living in two homes can be hard on everyone, but with the right tools and perspective, you and your kids can come out the other side stronger, more resilient, and—yes—still connected by love.

Let’s talk about what it looks like to support your child through these changes, how to handle those gut-wrenching moments when they say they don’t want to go to the other parent’s house, and how you can care for your own aching heart along the way.

Kids and Two Houses: A Big Change for Little Hearts

If there’s one thing that’s almost universal for kids after divorce, it’s that the reality of bouncing between two homes is tough—no matter how much they love both parents. Even in the best circumstances, with two safe and loving homes, that transition can be confusing and emotional.

I remember early on after my divorce, dropping my son off at his dad’s house could be a full-on emotional meltdown. He’d see the babysitter’s car and, even though nothing “bad” was happening, just the disruption of his routine, the new smells, the different rules—would send him spiraling. It was a huge eye-opener for me.

What makes this so hard?

• Unfamiliar routines and rules: Every house has its own vibe.
• All five senses are triggered: Laundry detergent, food, even the air freshener—all different!
• Missing “your stuff”: That favorite toy or shirt always seems to be at the other house.

Kids process and adapt quickly, but only if they feel safe and seen in whatever emotions come up. And that’s where we come in.

Leading With Love: Your Role in Guiding Their Journey

It’s easy to respond to your child’s pain through the lens of your own emotions—and let’s face it, hearing your little one say “I don’t want to go to Dad’s” can feel like a knife to the heart. But before you let your own grief or resentment guide your response, take a breath: our job is to lead, not to lean.

Here’s what I’ve found matters most:

• Hold space and reflect feelings: Acknowledge their pain. “It’s hard to have two houses. It’s okay to feel sad or frustrated.”
• Validate and normalize: Let them know their feelings are normal (“It’s okay to miss Mom when you’re at Dad’s. And it’s okay to have fun over there too!”).
• Keep your “why” front and center: Get clear on why it’s important for your child to have access to both parents. This needs to be your anchor in tough moments.
• Reassure with facts and love: Gently remind them, “Your dad loves you, and I know you love him too, even if some days are hard.”

It’s not your job to fix everything, but it is your job to sit with them in the muck—to let them know they’re safe to feel whatever comes up, and that you’ll walk through it together.

Caring for You: When the Worry Just Won’t Quit

What about your heart, though? It’s one thing to help your child process, but after they’re gone, guess who’s left holding the bag of worry and doubt? Yep—us.

I know that pain. Even when your child skips off with a smile, you’re left with that gnawing question—Am I doing the right thing? That’s why it’s so important to differentiate your feelings from theirs—and to work on your own healing too.

• Recognize normal fear: Fear lives in your nervous system, but you can learn to identify it and take your power back.
• Reach for support: Whether it’s tuning into the podcast, joining a support group (yes, The Club is here for you!), or just grabbing your journal—don’t go it alone!
• Give yourself grace: This is hard. No sugarcoating it. But you are doing your best, and that is more than enough.

Finding Silver Linings: Growth Through the Struggle

Living in two homes isn’t just about loss. Both you and your kids can develop new skills: flexibility, emotional intelligence, and resilience. Take time to reflect with your child—maybe even share your own “packing mishaps” or smells-that-just-don’t-feel-like-home moments. You’d be surprised how much connection that builds.

Above all, trust this: You can help your child find their footing and soothe your own soul after divorce. It’s bumpy, but you are never alone on this road. Lean into compassion, lead with clarity, and remember—your love is the safest home they’ll ever have.

Ready for more support? Join The Club, check out our resources, or listen in to another episode of The Crazy Ex Wives Club for more real talk, tips, and community. Give yourself grace—and know that healing really does happen, one brave day at a time.

The Club: A Divorce Community to Help you Get Clear, Get Grounded and Move Forward. 

Psst… Have you heard? There is a new online space for you to get the support and guidance you need on your divorce journey. The Club is your space to heal, grow and get clear on what you want - whether you are unhappily married or taking those first steps through divorce. The Club offers on-demand programs, monthly live connection calls and a quarterly curated healing kit. Everything The Club offers helps you get clear and get confident on what you want in your next chapter. 

Put your name on the VIP list to be the first invited to join. Space is limited, so grab your invite early. https://www.thecrazyexwivesclub.com/theclubwaitlist

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