Christmas Eve After Divorce: Celebrate Your Wins

A fireside chat about comparison, lonely moments, and coming home to yourself

Hey there, it’s Erica, and today’s episode is a cozy little Christmas Eve fireside chat.

If you’re listening on Christmas Eve, or anywhere in the swirl of late December, I want you to hear this first:

You made it.

You made it through the season. You made it through the days you didn’t want to get out of bed. You made it through the moments that hit you out of nowhere. You made it through the “firsts,” the triggers, the landmines, the grief, the logistics, and the emotional whiplash.

And that deserves to be celebrated.

Because rebuilding after divorce is hard. Getting divorced is hard. But learning how to live again after divorce can be even harder, because you’re rebuilding your whole life while your nervous system is still trying to catch its breath.

So let this be your permission slip episode:

Nothing is wrong with you. This is hard. And you are doing it.

The Flag Nobody Talks About: “I’m Not There Yet”

Time keeps moving. Seasons change. Life evolves.

And it’s easy to get lost in momentum and focus on where you’re not.

“I’m not there yet.”
“I haven’t gotten it done yet.”
“I should be further along.”

But there is a different kind of power available to you right now.

It’s the power of looking backward and saying, “Holy cow… look how far I’ve come.”

Even if you’re not where you want to be yet, you’re not starting from scratch. You’re starting from experience. From growth. From survival.

And that matters.

Holidays + Comparison: The Fastest Way to Lose Your Joy

Comparison is loud during the holidays.

It shows up as:

• “Did I do enough?”

• “Did I spend enough?”

• “Do my kids have enough?”

• “Does their holiday look better over there?”

• “Should I be handling this better by now?”

Then add divorce, and comparison expands into bigger places:

• “An intact family.”

• “The holidays we used to have.”

• “The traditions that won’t happen the same way again.”

Here’s what I want you to remember:

Comparison is a thief. It robs you of the ability to see what you created this year, what you survived this year, and who you are becoming.

So when you catch yourself spiraling, I want you to call it out.

“Hi, comparison. I see you.”
“I’m not doing this today.”

Then gently shift the story.

Instead of: “I didn’t do enough.”
Try: “Look at the magic I did create.”

Instead of: “This is how it will always be.”
Try: “This is how it is this year.”

Instead of: “I’ll never get ahead.”
Try: “I’m building. I’m learning. I’m becoming.”

We’re not doing toxic positivity here. We’re not faking it. We’re just choosing a thought that helps you take your next step.

If You’re Alone This Holiday: Don’t Run From It

Let’s talk about the alone moments, especially if this is your first holiday without your kids.

Those alone seasons can feel brutal, not because you’re doing something wrong, but because you’re finally face-to-face with feelings you’ve been trying not to feel.

And the more you run from those feelings, the bigger they get. The louder they get. The more they demand to be seen.

So here’s the invitation:

Don’t run. Lean in.

Ask yourself:

• What is the loneliness trying to convince me of?

• What story is my mind telling me right now?

• Is that story actually true?

Because a lot of what shows up in those moments is not your truth. It’s fear. It’s ego. It’s the dark little narrator trying to keep you small.

Those alone moments can become sacred. They can become rituals. They can become your time to remember who you are.

Different does not mean bad. Different is just different.

The Wobble Is Normal: Hold the Pain and the Joy

Some of you are holding two things at the same time this season:

• joy with your kids

• grief underneath it

And you might feel guilty about that.

Let me say this clearly:

Your kids can have magic even if you’re grieving.

Things can be both.

You can be excited about a present and sad that the holiday looks different. You can laugh and still feel that bittersweet ache.

There is something powerful when you teach your children that emotions are allowed. That we don’t have to fake it.

“This is hard.”
“And we’re going to get through it together.”

Also, a loving caution: sometimes we project our story onto our kids. Kids can move through emotions faster than we do. So don’t fear their feelings. Be present. Let them move through it. Let it teach you what it’s here to teach you.

Your Holiday Toolkit: Fill Your Cup on Purpose

If you’re alone, or even if you’re juggling a full house, give yourself anchors throughout the day.

Here are a few ideas:

• Journal and cry it out

• Take a bath with music and candles

• Go for a walk

• Move your body

• Take a nap (yes, naps count as healing)

• Save a small gift for yourself to open that day

• Make a meal you’re actually looking forward to

• Add one tiny moment of joy to break up the heaviness

And most importantly, study the wobble.

Notice what helps you come back to center. Notice what sends you spiraling. That awareness becomes your power.

One of my favorite prompts:

If your best friend was facing her first holiday after divorce, what would you say to her?

Write that to yourself. Put it in your notes app. Tape it to your bathroom mirror. Let it become the voice you practice believing.

Healing Has No Deadline

This part is for the woman who’s thinking:

“I should be over this.”

No. Healing is not linear. It’s cyclical. Holidays pull up deeper layers of what still needs love.

So if you’re on year three, four, or five and it still stings sometimes, I want you to repeat this:

I’m not behind. I am becoming.

Also, take a second and look at the evidence:

• How are drop-offs going now compared to the beginning?

• How does co-parenting feel now compared to the beginning?

• How do the kid-free nights feel now compared to the beginning?

• What used to crush you that you can handle now?

You’re not stuck. You’re evolving.

The Emotional Ladder: A Simple Way to Shift Without Faking It

When emotions feel like a tornado, it’s hard to think your way out.

This is why I love the Emotional Ladder.

You don’t jump from “I’m falling apart” to “I love my life.” You move one step at a time.

Ask:

• What am I thinking right now?

• What emotion is that creating?

• What is one better-feeling thought I can choose next?

Examples:

Painful thought: “My kids are having more fun at their dad’s.”
Better thought: “I’m glad they’re having fun, and that’s one less thing for me to worry about.”

Painful thought: “I’ll be alone forever.”
Better thought: “I don’t want to be in rooms where I’m not loved for who I am.”

That is not toxic positivity. That is stability.

If you want the Emotional Ladder free download, download it HERE. 

Celebrate You: Three Reflections for Tonight

Before you wrap this day, I want you to reflect on three things.

1) What are three wins from this year that nobody clapped for?

Big or small. Quiet wins count.

2) Where are you stronger than you were last Christmas, even by 5%?

Where are you standing up for yourself more? Where are you choosing yourself more?

3) What did you stop tolerating this year?

What are you no longer available for? Who no longer gets a seat at your table?

This is the becoming.

A Peek Ahead: Powering Through 2026

Next week’s episode drops on New Year’s Eve, and we’re kicking off a short series to help you move into 2026 with clarity and strength.

We’ll reflect on what worked, what didn’t, and then I’ll guide you through something we do inside the Club: a Divorce Detox Hour for nervous system relief, so you can get out of survival mode and back into your knowing.

There’s also a new offer coming in January: a six-week small group program to help you define who you want to be in 2026, what you’re ready to let go of, and how to build the boundaries that support the life you’re creating.

And of course, the Club is always here. We meet three times a month, celebrate wins, and January kicks off book club.

Final Thought

I’m not going to wish you a perfect holiday.

What I want for you is a moment of clarity so deep you can feel it in your bones.

A moment where you know who you are.
Where you know you are doing a good job.
Where you know you are not broken.
Where you know you are becoming.

When you feel that moment, come find me on Instagram and message me: “Erica, I found it.”

Because together we rise. Together we heal. Together we learn what we need next.

Until next week, give yourself grace.

With love and grace,
Erica Bennett
Host of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club