S3, E2: Building New Systems for Success in 2024

Building New Systems for Success in 2024

In this solo episode of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club, Erica Bennett delves into how to stay committed to your new plan. Embracing an abundance mindset, Erica encourages listeners to seek wealth in happiness and freedom, while sharing her personal transformation and strategies for building new, healthy habits. From discussing the importance of mindful responses to reshaping one's circle of friends and lifestyle choices, Erica's tips are designed to support you in overcoming old energy and writing a new path forward. Tune in to learn how to shift old patterns, protect your energy, and thrive in your new normal with The Crazy Ex-Wives Club.

Learn More About The Group Transformation - The Crazy Ex-Wives Club Cohort

The Cohort is a 12-week, live support group aimed at helping you learn how to navigate the three phases of divorce healing while building a support system for success. Each week you will meet live with Erica to explore how to shift and get your questions answers. You will learn how to line up to what you want, define who you are and learn how to thrive in your new normal.

Learn more HERE

Building New Systems for Success in 2024 FULL TRANSCRIPTS

Erica Bennett [00:00:00]:
Happy new year, happy new you, and happy new season of The Crazy Ex-Wive's club. Welcome back, you guys. It's episode two of season three. This is all about learning how to thrive in your new normal. And today's solo episode is going to give you the tips, the hacks that I used. Because guess what? Learning how to thrive in your new normal to stay the course, it is hard. So if you're making any big changes in your life this year, there this episode is going to set you up for success. Let's get started.

Erica Bennett [00:00:32]:
Welcome to The Crazy Ex-Wive's Club, a podcast dedicated to helping women navigate the emotional journey that is divorce. I'm your host, Erica. And if you're trying to figure out life after the big d, welcome to the club. Whether you're contemplating divorce or dealing with the aftermath or any of the many phases in between, the club has got you covered. Each week, you'll hear stories from women who have been in your shoes. This isn't about spilling tea on divorce details. This is about giving you the tools to take control of your own healing journey. Listen in weekly for advice, tips, and tools to help you move through each stage of the process.

Erica Bennett [00:01:11]:
Hey guys. Welcome to episode two of season three. I am so excited. In fact, I'm recording this on a Wednesday, so the first episode of Season Three went live this morning. It just seems some days so surreal to be in this place. If you had asked me ten years ago, five years ago, if I would be hosting a podcast or running a group support program for divorced women, I would have told you, you're crazy. I had big goals that I was going to stay at my job at my corporate company. I mean, I have always really needed to find jobs that spoke to my purpose, right? And in all those years of helping people sell more beauty products, it was really about helping them achieve the life that they wanted.

Erica Bennett [00:02:06]:
And I love that the industry was creative, but we still had structure, but we still had goals and numbers. When it comes to natural talents, competition is my top talent, and I'm a Virgo, so I'm rather structured and organized. Anyways, I had actually thought I was going to retire at that company. Growing up, there had always been celebrations around when my grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, right? These were goals. Longevity, loyalty, staying committed. These were things that I grew up knowing or hearing were really important. And so I wanted to stay in that career. When life threw a little bit of a curveball, when my life changed, I had to learn how to thrive in my new normal.

Erica Bennett [00:02:50]:
And it became very apparent that that was not going to be my forever home. And I had to learn and use a lot of the same tips, the tricks, the tools, the techniques that I did to move through my divorce when it came to shifting my career. So no matter where you are, right. Here we are, it's January of 2024. It's the start of a new year. Everybody sets new goals for the new year. I even set new goals for the new year. But, like, random fact, the start of January, this is not the right time to really be setting new goals.

Erica Bennett [00:03:23]:
Right? Think about crops. They're still planted. They're still hibernating. The trees are still hibernating. We're not going to emerge into our new self until spring. This is the get and clear phase. This is the percolating phase, the pondering phase, the depth of the winter phase. Right.

Erica Bennett [00:03:43]:
Anywho, I digress. Let's go back to why we're here. How do you thrive in your new normal? So, as I sit here with the launch of season three, I am super excited to talk to you about what I did, because I'll tell you, if you're trying to restart anything, you're trying to start a new career, start a new business, start a new habit in your home or with your family. It's hard, you guys. It's hard. And why is it hard? You've got old habits. You've got old momentum. You've got old traditions.

Erica Bennett [00:04:15]:
You have built an entire system, a webbing that keeps everything in place. We continue to think the way we think and believe what we believe because we've literally cocooned ourself into a network that supports us in still thinking that way and still acting that way. And what you see is what you do is what you get. Right? The see do get model. How you see the world drives the actions you take or what you do, which delivers what you get at the end. And our world works very hard to make sure we stay in the right place on that webbing. Right. It doesn't like when we try to move it somewhere else. It's almost like a cobweb.

Erica Bennett [00:04:59]:
It's stuck to you, and it is trying to do its best to pull you back into the direction that you were before. And if you are divorcing or divorced, you have to move forward. This is not a place that you want to stay stuck. So what did I do right? So when it came to really wanting to be able to move forward, to learn how to thrive in my new normal, the first thing I had to do is give myself grace. It was hard. There were a lot of patterns that I had created that supported me in staying the victim, in staying like that can never work for me. This can never happen. Oh, woe is me.

Erica Bennett [00:05:45]:
Look at what's happening to me. Think about how many times you tell kind of stories like that, right? You can't have what you want at work because of what somebody else is doing, or your boss or whatever else. Or you can't have the relationship you want at home because of how your partner is showing up. Or you can't have because of. We do it all the time. And to be able to truly move forward into your next chapter, you first have to own your stuff. So give yourself some grace. Yes, it's hard, but then pick it up, girl.

Erica Bennett [00:06:19]:
This is the work. I cannot say it enough that this is the work. Your work is the small choices in every single moment to stay aligned to what you truly want and truly desire. So when it came to figuring out how I wanted to move forward, I had to get clear on all those areas of my life. How did I want to show up when coparenting? How did I want to show up when parenting? How did I want to show up in my job? How did I want to show up with my friends? How did I want to show up with my family? And I will tell you that each of those areas, I'll add another one. How did I want to show up with money? Each of those areas tried very hard to pull me back down into the old patterns, into the old way of doing things. And so for a while, learning how to thrive in my new normal was being alone, because I had to figure out how I could maintain the focus and the energy and the control that I wanted before I allowed any of these external influences on my web to try and pull me in a certain direction. And it did.

Erica Bennett [00:07:26]:
God, when you try and build a new habit or a new direction, it tries so hard to pull you back down. I can just start it tomorrow. I want to change my eating habits. I can just start it tomorrow. What's one more day of eating ice cream? I already messed up today. What's one more day? But the learning to thrive is literally just making the choice in the moment. Yeah, I didn't eat so healthy for lunch. But you know what? I'm going to make the choice that aligns with how I know I want to feed my body.

Erica Bennett [00:07:57]:
So know that as you try and build a new pattern, a new habit, a new desire, the old energy is going to try and pull you back down. And why? Because we created habits for self soothing. That ice cream example is a great one. Enabling yourself to just continue to soothe through food is one of the habits that we've built. It was a really hard day today. My ex really pissed me off. My child was really difficult. I'm really frustrated with the people in my life.

Erica Bennett [00:08:27]:
What'll make me feel better? A treat. Then we go and buy ourselves a treat? Right. We've created these habits for self soothing. So one of the things that I had done when I was learning how to thrive in my new normal was I looked at those habits. So let's just talk about emotional eating, right? I knew that if all of a sudden I was craving something that I knew was not on the healthy side. Like, my body doesn't love alcohol. My body doesn't love sugar. My body doesn't love a lot of fried foods.

Erica Bennett [00:08:58]:
These are things that literally, physically make me unwell. It's not just, we know that those aren't healthy to eat. Like, physically, they don't jive with me. And yet there I would be, right. I really just want a bowl of ice cream that would make me so happy right now. And when that desire came up, that self soothing request came up, I would look at it and I would say, oh, why do you want this? I'm feeling really sad. Oh, okay. Well, those feelings of being sad are going to pass.

Erica Bennett [00:09:32]:
Those feelings of being frustrated are going to pass. The ice cream is not going to fix that issue. In fact, most times it makes you feel worse, right? Because you finished the ice cream, and now you also feel guilty because you didn't stick to what you had planned. So know that those habits, those patterns, they're going to try and pull you back down. And so sitting in the moment, it comes up, an old self soothing pattern comes up, and you're just going to ask yourself and say, why do I want this? And is there a different way that I can meet that need? The other way that it tries to pull you back down is automatic reactions. There are triggers that you have in your body and in your being that get pressed, right? Your hot buttons and our hot buttons, our triggers are just paths that we have worn often in our minds, right? They are behaviors, reactions that can happen uncontrollably, right? Like, in a split second, they just come out of you and you're like, ooh, wish I hadn't said that. Right.

Erica Bennett [00:10:33]:
These automatic reactions are just patterns that. Strong patterns that you have built, neural pathways that you have built that it knows that when that button gets pressed in your mind, it zings directly to the action, the behavior, the reaction that you've always had. So being able to say, ooh, that was an automatic reaction. Think through, how would I want to handle this different? You've got to build a new neural pathway to override the autoreactions to the hot buttons and the triggers that you currently have. And it doesn't happen overnight. This is how it pulls you down, right? It wears you down. The work is in building the focus, building the control building, being able to move forward. So how to stay focused, right? Because if you know that, hey, it's going to be hard, hey, you've got to build new, healthy habits.

Erica Bennett [00:11:27]:
Hey, the old energy is going to try and get you there, right? Oh, you know the other energy that gets you there a lot, right? Friends that you always talk about the same things with. Friends that you go to to complain versus friends you go to to hold you accountable. I know you know that you have different friends. So one of the other ways you'll continue to self sabotage and your ability to move forward and thrive in your new normal is just being able to stop that reaction, that automatic. I'm going to call this friend, I'm so irritated at my ex, I'm going to call this friend and I'm going to complain about it. It'll keep you where you don't want to be. So how did I stay focused? One of the things that I've learned is that you have to make a conscious choice 21 times before it starts to become a habit. So 21 times of consciously choosing exactly what you want to do starts to rewire that neural pathway. It starts to become a little bit more familiar.

Erica Bennett [00:12:27]:
You work the muscle to be able to walk from point a to point b to where you want to go. So know that when you are trying to start a new habit, whether it's working out, whether it's how you react to your ex, whether it's healthy eating habits or how you react to your kids, 21 days of consciously choosing, which means you've got to give yourself a pause, which means that the trigger, the thing is going to come up and it's going to demand your attention, and the first thing you do is breathe and pause. How do I want to act to this now? Consciously choose how you want to act in that moment. Now, I used a lot, a lot of reminders because my patterns were deep, my pathways were very well run, very well run. And so I used a ton of reminders, small steps to continue to keep me focused so that I didn't get wobbly in my choice of how I wanted to act. Right. If everything is momentum, if everything is energy, if you're trying to move and reach towards a new energy, a new momentum, a new behavior, it means give yourself, prop yourself up with a little extra along the way. So I used a ton of reminders.

Erica Bennett [00:13:51]:
One of my favorites, top go to reminders, is that I actually change the screen saver on my phone. So the screen saver on my phone, if you can't tell me what's on your screen saver right now on your phone, it's been there too long. If when you look at your phone and whatever picture it is, it doesn't make you feel happy and excited and love and abundance, you need to change what's on your screen saver, right? Maybe it makes you laugh, maybe it makes you feel loved, maybe it makes you feel connected, maybe it inspires you. But there's this thing, this tech tool called a phone that we are highly addicted to. We carry it with us everywhere we go. Use it for good. Don't let your phone run you. So today, I want you to change the screen saver on your phone.

Erica Bennett [00:14:37]:
Now, I used to do a lot of screenshots of quotes and things that I had seen online that I resonated with, similar to using mantras. And we've talked about this in the past. I don't believe you should grab a mantra just to have a mantra. You should grab a statement that you can align with that feels authentically you right now. So I know that if I'm irritated with my ex, but I want to get to a place of just ignoring my ex, so he's going to do stupid things, but I'm not going to get irritated, right? Then I might have a quote that aligns with that. I'm not going to have a quote that says, like, peace and harmony to my ex and blended families. It's inauthentic for where I'm at, but the quote should be something that when I read it, I can feel it in my body, in my bones, in my heart, I know that that is a statement that I truly believe right now. You might use pictures.

Erica Bennett [00:15:37]:
I swapped through a lot of pictures. There's quite a few free apps out there, right? But I'd bring in a picture of maybe me and my son or me and one of my trips or just the mountains, and I'd put some sort of a statement or a quote on it so that I could always see I'm moving forward. I've got this. I can do this. Right? So use your reminders. Change your screen saver. One of the other top things that I loved doing, loved, loved doing, was I set hourly reminders on my phone to take five breaths and to center and focus on what I want. How long does five breaths take you? Maybe ten or 15 seconds. I will say probably my office mates didn't quite enjoy the fact that my alarm kept going off every hour, but I had to do it because I needed to be able to stay focused.

Erica Bennett [00:16:26]:
And I knew that if I went too many hours, I started getting wobbly. Right. Wobbly means you're dropping into some of those negative emotions. Maybe I'm sad, maybe I'm emotional, maybe I'm reactive, I'm angry, I'm frustrated. That's wobbly, right? I want to be balanced and stable and expanding. So I would set a reminder every single hour. And when that reminder went off on my have, when I first started, and this was a practice I had picked up from Gabby Bernstein, it said, like, miracle mindset. And so every hour on the hour, it'd go off and I would close my eyes and I would take five breaths and I would remind myself how the universe always has my back, or how everything is always working out for me, or how it's not always going to feel like it is right now, or the universe is conspiring to support me.

Erica Bennett [00:17:15]:
Right. Five breaths. Five breaths to tune in, become present, and tap back into the feeling of knowing, of trusting, of allowing, and how it feels to be supported. Other reminders that I would use. I used to put things up in the house, whether it's a picture or a little display thing that I brought that reminded me of how it felt to be happy, how it felt to be excited, how it felt to be in love with my life. That meant that I bought new canvases for my bedroom, right? That had. They looked really pretty, and I loved the sayings on them. It meant that I put up a string where you can hang the photos on it with little clips.

Erica Bennett [00:18:03]:
And I changed those photos out a lot. So I was always sending new photo orders to Walgreens or who's ever five cents a photo, ten cents a photo, and printing off five new ones and swapping them out. And swapping them out. And as much as I could use reminders of the wonderful things that I had in my life, of the things that brought me joy, the more I was rewiring my neural pathway to automatically react with joy, automatically react with love, and abundance. It started to let the weeds grow over in that reactive path of being frustrated, of being angry, of being hateful. And instead it shifted me to the other side. I also stayed focused by building systems that support me. So this would be my second go to method.

Erica Bennett [00:18:52]:
So the second piece is that you need to build new systems. It's just the truth. You need to build new systems. Which meant that I started a specific workout regimen. I committed to being at the gym at a certain time for a class on x number of days. And I put it in my work calendar and I made sure that that was a big rock that I needed to get to. It wasn't an option, it wasn't a non negotiable. I knew that after class I felt better.

Erica Bennett [00:19:21]:
Wasn't about the physical gains, it wasn't about any of that. But I felt better. I was with a community, I was moving my body, I was getting support, I was laughing. Sometimes it was just fun, right? So I built a new system that supported me. I also looked to build new systems in the support I had with my son, right? So sometimes that meant that I was looking for new babysitters when he was really young. But it also meant that I started to really look at the mommy friendships I had and were these people that I could count on, that I could rely on. And sometimes some of those friendships, it was time for them to diminish. They had served their purpose right.

Erica Bennett [00:20:07]:
You hope that friends are going to last forever, and I hope that you do have friends that last for a long time. But I also want to say that it's okay if your friendships don't make it through the next chapter. They were what you needed at that time in your life. And if you're in a new place and they're no longer in that same energetic place, it might be time for a little space. So one of the other systems that I had to create was I changed who my friendship circle was, and not because I didn't love the old friends. In fact, I can think of one friend specifically. She had definitely really been there for me when I was going through the thick of it, when I was angry and bitter and really frustrated with how my life had turned out. She was always available and she always showed up for me.

Erica Bennett [00:20:55]:
And we had created, we lived within walking distance. Our kids were about the same age. We had a lot of good systems together. And when I finally chose to move on from my divorce, and I finally chose to move into a place of love and acceptance, that life was going to move on and I was going to be okay. It became really hard to continue to see that friend because she was in the same place that she just wanted to continue to complain about partnerships. She wanted to continue to blame all the externals. And I had moved on to a place where I didn't want to waste my time and energy in that like, yeah, shit sucks some days. It does.

Erica Bennett [00:21:33]:
I'm not saying it doesn't. Life is not all roses in my world, but on the days that it's not good, I can acknowledge it, I can feel it, and then I can choose to put it down because I'd no longer allow that stuff to derail what I'm doing. So I built a new system. I had to move through some friendships, and that meant that I was alone for a little bit. I also knew that I was building new food systems. So I played around with different meal subscription boxes because it was easy, right? It was a system that meant that I could make dinner three nights, four nights a week, whatever it was. That it wasn't stressful, that I didn't have to worry about meal planning, that it just showed up on my door. I built systems to support me.

Erica Bennett [00:22:19]:
If you are trying to figure out what's the system you need to support you, it's a very good question, right? Look at the places that you often feel like you trip up or that you get frustrated. One of the other systems which is about to be avoiding the pitfalls is your next tip. But one of the other systems is I needed a lot of sleep, which meant that I knew that if I needed to get up at a certain time, I was going to bed early. I built systems around when I needed to be in bed. I didn't watch 09:00, 10:00 tv shows. I never watched the news. I'm typically not up that late. It is not something that aligns with my system.

Erica Bennett [00:22:58]:
And so start going to bed earlier, start prioritizing the wind down, start making sure that you're getting what you need. So the third way, how I stayed focused, avoid the pitfalls. And you know what they are. We all know what they are. Even if you don't know what they are ahead of time, when you hit them, you know that you're in one of the pitfalls. A pitfall is something that sets you back. A pitfall is almost like a risky behavior that opens you up to stepping into old patterns. So I knew that it was harder for me to maintain my new focus and my new energy if I was low on sleep, if I was really tired.

Erica Bennett [00:23:36]:
I was more emotional, I was more prone to anxiety, and I was more prone to worry, and I was more prone to being really sad. And so I didn't let myself get low on sleep. It meant that I prioritized sleep over going out. It meant that I prioritized sleep over watching a movie. I knew that sleep was a non negotiable because once that momentum starts kicking in about being sad, mad, frustrated, worried, it is so hard to kick that trend, right? It is so hard to regain control. So I avoided the pitfalls that put me there. The second pitfall that I knew right away was food. Hangry. Right.

Erica Bennett [00:24:19]:
If I didn't have the right food, I would automatically get into a pattern that didn't support me. So if I didn't get enough sleep, I didn't have enough energy to cook. It meant that I was going out to eat, which meant that I felt crummier at the end of the day, which meant that it was harder to get to the gym. Right. So when I unwound that habit of, oh, why am I eating unhealthy again? Food was at the center of it. If I proactively stayed on top of the fact that I know that I need to have dinner on the table at six, right. Like, I'm a little bit of an early eater. Okay, 06:00 or 530, dinner needs to be on. Then that means that I know that at 430, I'm already figuring out what's happening.

Erica Bennett [00:25:04]:
Or it means that I'm looking at the week ahead in meal planning. For me, it meant that I needed to simplify, I needed to outsource my food, and so I outsourced it to a meal kit. Meant that I just had to go into the app. I just had to pick what it was. It showed up at my door, and all I had to do was make it. That helped me avoid the pitfall that I didn't have the right stuff in the house. And then I started eating things that I didn't really like, and then I was feeling bad about eating unhealthy things when I'm really trying to maintain the physical fitness level that I'm in. Right.

Erica Bennett [00:25:33]:
Avoid your pitfalls. Another pitfall was, I knew that there was another friend, different friend that I can think about that always. I always thought, oh, my gosh, yes, we should hang out. We should hang out, and we'd go hang out, and we'd drink while we're hanging out, because that's what people do, and I'd be fine in the moment. Enjoying the conversation, enjoying the conversation. And when I left, I was exhausted. I was worn down. I felt so sad and overwhelmed, and I didn't know why because it wasn't like the conversations we were having were sad and overwhelming.

Erica Bennett [00:26:11]:
I was really enjoying the conversations. We were laughing and talking about things that we had in common, and things were great. But I realized that that friend took a little bit more out of me. Either it was because they needed a little bit more support than I could actually offer, they needed me to hold more space than I was able to, or more often than not, it was because I was trying to change my energy to match theirs so that we could have a good conversation, so that we could continue to be the friends that I want to be. Right. Because I wanted to have these great friendships. And so I would morph my energy and who I was to try and meet them where they're at, and we'd have a great time in the moment. But then afterwards, I was exhausted.

Erica Bennett [00:26:55]:
So avoid the pitfalls that you know are going to take you out of the ability to stay focused on what you want. And then the last thing on how I stay focused is, you guys, you have to protect your energy with your life. I mean, literally, your energy is your life, and you are in a phase of trying to rebuild what you want in your life, which means you're going to need all that energy and all that focus to break the momentum that's already been built to move forward in a new direction. So protect your energy with your life. It meant that I said no to a lot of things. I was separated for two years. Then when I got divorced, I don't know when that was. Filed in February, final, maybe in the summer.

Erica Bennett [00:27:44]:
By that fall, I moved from my house to a townhouse. I had downsized. I couldn't handle the yard work and the cleaning of a huge house. And so I cut my square footage in half, and within 30 days, closed on the house, moved my child to a school district, got him enrolled in a new school, and tried to figure out the new normal. Well, then we're at the kickoff night at the elementary school, and we're meeting other people, and I remember they're always looking for volunteers, right? Oh, we need volunteers. And I just was like, can't do it. And they're like, what? And I'm like, it's not that I don't care, but I don't have the energy in my bandwidth to be able to take on another thing. My bandwidth is full

Erica Bennett [00:28:28]:
between working and now solo parenting, and living in a new space and still doing the healing work, I can't take it on. It also meant I watched a lot of people put their kids in sport after sport or after school activity after activity. And I'd talk to these moms and they're like, "oh, my gosh, we're running to all these things and I'm so tired and there's never enough time" and I was like, yes. No, I did not push sports or activities on my son. If he wanted to play one, absolutely we would go do it. And I'd always ask, hey, do you want to do baseball? Do you want to try soccer? It was not really ever his jam. He just didn't want to do it.

Erica Bennett [00:29:05]:
And so we didn't, because I could not take on anything else without losing my ability to stay focused on what I wanted. And I think that we underestimate how much energy it takes to rebuild into something new. It is super easy to maintain. It is super easy to continue the status quo. But if you're about to buck the trend and you're about to rewrite your life for your next chapter, it takes a hell of a lot more energy than you thought it was going to. And this is on top of the fact that if you are divorcing or freshly divorced, there is a whole level of healing that has to happen from living in survival mode. And the thing we don't expect is you finish, you get to the other side, you are like, great, okay, I've decided to become divorced. I'm lined up with that choice.

Erica Bennett [00:30:03]:
I'm still sad about it, but I'm lined up with that choice. And then you get really tired and you don't know why. And it's because you held that space. You lived in that survival mode of, "is my marriage coming or going? Am I coming or going? What is happening?" You stayed in that space for so long and burnt the candle at both ends and exhausted yourself that when you finally make the decision to move forward, most people are shocked by how incredibly tired they become. So protect your energy with your life. You're going to need all of it, right? And be aware. Be aware of the things that set you back. I knew that after I drank, I was a little bit more at risk to anxious thoughts.

Erica Bennett [00:30:52]:
I knew that the next morning when I woke up, my anxiety was going to be worse. So what were my choices? Do the job to rewire my anxiety or put aside the drinking for a while until you can get to a better stable space to be able to handle it. Sometimes when you are learning to thrive in your new normal, it means that you're taking a break from a lot of the old habits and pick them up one at a time. Pick them up one at a time and bring them back in. One of the other things that I haven't really mentioned is all, is I purposely chose to take some distance from my family because I needed to figure out who I was and I needed to write a new way to parent. I was the only divorced kid in my family. In my entire family,

Erica Bennett [00:31:45]:
we have one other aunt that was divorced, but they never had any kids. Okay, so this is the first time you've got divorce with children involved. And everybody had a lot of worries and a lot of fears and a lot of desire to try and help get through this faster. And one of the things I had learned in my separation is that I was not partnering with my then husband, I was partnering my way, or kind of like the way my mom had raised me. And nothing's wrong with that. It's just I wasn't co creating with the dad of the kid that I had. And so I started to really look at all the things that I had always done and how I wanted to parent. Did I want to keep them the same? Were they going to change? And that meant that I needed to take a little space.

Erica Bennett [00:32:34]:
I needed some time to figure out who I was and how I wanted to be and how my son and I were before I brought back in anyone else's external ideas, judgments and opinions. Because remember where we started? Learning to thrive in your new normal is hard because that web that you've built around you, they are going to work very hard to keep you operating in the same way you have always operated. And your family is no different, your friends are no different. These are people who, at their core, most likely have really good intentions for you. But they also have their own wounds, and they also have their own reactions, and they also have their own pathways that are worn in their brains of how they react to certain situations. So, season three, we are about to have amazing guests to help you learn how to thrive in your new normal. And the other thing that I want to highlight is you guys, not only is there the podcast, but the group coaching program, it's the whole point, teaching you how to be able to move forward. So if you're in a place where you are struggling because your support system really doesn't understand what you're going through or what you're trying to achieve, and that you're looking for people who understand you and can support you and get what you're going through.

Erica Bennett [00:33:50]:
The Crazy Ex Wives Club Cohort the group transformation program is going to be something you want to look at. We meet for twelve weeks. We meet for 1 hour every single week. It is less than therapy. Each week we've got a specific healing and learning practice to do. There's time for Q and A. There's a support community and you're in a small group, ten to 15 women. The whole point is for you to find some other like minded, like energied ladies that you can be talking to outside of class.

Erica Bennett [00:34:23]:
So if you want more information, go to thecrazyxwivesclub.com. It's on the main page. It's also under services, but it's the cohort. You definitely want to look at getting yourself in the group program because it creates a system for success. It shares tips on how you can stay focused on what you want. It gives you a community of other women who want to stay focused on the same things that you do. And it gives you little bite size meetings and time together every single week for twelve weeks. Guys, that's like 90 days. That is three rounds of creating a new 21 day habit so that by the time you finish the twelve weeks, you can graduate.

Erica Bennett [00:35:03]:
You have the tools, you know what you need to do and you know how it feels to have achieved moving through it so that you're set up for success to be able to continue to move forward. So this season, let's talk about this season. If you joined last week, you heard Tanya talk about creating an exit plan, right? I've got amazing stories from the other side. I've got a bestselling author that's coming up talking about how she handled divorce. You can check out her book. We've got a conflict specialist on. We've got empowerment over their behavior. So if you're dealing with somebody who's kind of stuck and trapped in a narcissistic pattern, right.

Erica Bennett [00:35:39]:
That it's really all about them and it's really hard for you to work with them and not be triggered by them. I've got a guest expert on narcissism. We are going to talk about EMDR. How do you heal the past trauma? Because the reality is that any big shift, a divorce, a death, a changing career, it creates trauma. Little t trauma, right. Little t trauma that threatened the way that you lived, that threatened the idea that your life can continue the way that it was. We're going to talk about EMDR. It was absolutely one of the best things that helped me heal and move forward.

Erica Bennett [00:36:16]:
We're going to talk about coparenting with a child therapist on how you can help your child cope. We're going to talk about the role of the biom and the bonus mom or the stepmom, right? So if you're like, hey, we now have a big old mix of different energies going on in here. How do you work with another woman that if your partner started dating again or you're dating, got that covered? We've got the mindset of abundance, which actually is one that I am super excited. We're going to talk about how to live wealthy. Not only wealthy and money, but wealthy, because to be wealthy, we think it's money, but it's not. It's happiness, it's freedom. And we're going to round out the season with that. So, you guys, powerhouse of a season, as always.

Erica Bennett [00:37:03]:
If you love the podcast, I've got a couple of asks. Please subscribe. Make sure you're subscribed. Download any of the episodes that you love. Share them with your friends so you can just click on the little podcast player and share that episode over, leaving ratings and reviews. All of these things, you guys, they actually really do make a huge difference when it comes to a new podcast getting spread out to the masses. We've also got TikTok, Instagram, Facebook. Make sure you're following along there.

Erica Bennett [00:37:31]:
And if you are not on the email list, get after it. You guys. I send out emails every single week announcing the new podcast. I also share any new blog posts along with any offers, promotions, you know how it goes. You know you've got emails coming in from other businesses. It's the same. Make sure you get on the email because again, the algorithm I cannot control. So I don't know if you see what I'm posting or not, but I am really grateful to have you here, you guys.

Erica Bennett [00:38:01]:
Cheers to an amazingly successful 2024. I wish you nothing but the best this year. I wish you the ability to overcome the hurt that still hurts. I wish you the ability to focus on the things that you want to move towards. And I wish you love and abundance because we need more in the world. And especially after moving through a divorce, sometimes it can feel like you're not lovable. And I'm here to tell you, you are worthy. So thank you guys for tuning in to another great episode of the Crazy Ex Wives Club.

Erica Bennett [00:38:41]:
And that's it. Another great episode of the Crazy Ex Wives Club, a podcast for women learning how to heal from their divorce. Tune in next week for more advice and tips to help you figure out life after divorce. And until then, give yourself grace. Do the best you can and know that this is all part of the process.